This was originally posted on blogger.

and free writing.

Today I went to the tax office to try to get a tax rebate. I was looking forward to getting that money back. But apparently you have to have been working for six months within a given calendar year to be eligible for the rebate. So she told me, “come back next year.” I laughed. The good news is that I don’t have to worry about taxes, the bad news is I don’t get any money from it.

In July my college friend, roommate, and co-worker Leon is moving back to the US. He is a dual-US/Taiwanese citizen and for some reason, doesn’t want to serve in the Taiwanese military. He says that he doesn’t want to perish in cross-strait warfare. I told him Xi Jinping says the People’s Liberation Army won’t be ready until 2027, but nonetheless, here we are. Honestly speaking, though, I wouldn’t want to necessarily do something (the military) for four months either. Jobs aren’t as highly-paid in Taiwan as they are in the US, not by a long-shot. Most people who have the option of both choose to live in the US and make an American salary.

Nonetheless, my roommate leaving felt like a big change. I’m scared of living alone and being lonely, so I found a shared apartment. Four bedrooms, myself and three strangers. I loosely know the landlord, so I think they won’t be crazy. In Taiwan, I think people are much more likely to be quiet, get on with their business, and never interact with flatmate than be overly combative. I’m nervous about moving in with strangers, as I’ve never done it before, and I’m also nervous about conducting all household business in Chinese. But on the other hand, it’s a natural step up in my immersion setting. I’m confident in my Mandarin right now, but for the most part I choose when to deploy it and when not to. Now I’ll have to have Chinese on my brain whenever I’m home, managing things in the house, etc. I think it’ll be a growth experience. And not so awful, since many of my friendships in Taiwan are at least half in English.

My friend Ella told me a bit of advice she heard: “life is long enough to do everything you want to do.” Is this true? I suppose it depends how many things you want to do. I think maybe most people get to what they want in life not because of a lack of time. More because of priorities. Their twenties were spent doing a job they had to do, or just chose but didn’t like; then in their thirties they got sucked into a career or a marriage and these responsibilities just accelerate. A recurring bit of wisdom I’ve heard is to go on adventures while you can. My colleagues, who are around forty, and my old math teacher (about 60), both essentially said, you’re hardly ever too young to start over. Anyways, this is all to say that I’m still in Taiwan because I feel like I’m learning here. I’m learning how to live in a new place, how to manage relationships as an adult, how to manage money, how to speak another language, how to make choices. Taiwan makes this easier in some ways, with most things being absurdly affordable and convenient. Though living in a new place, speaking in a second language, also makes things novel and rewarding and challenging in their own way. It’s such that when/if I return to the US, hopefully everything will be easy-mode… making friends, doing adult things. Easy to the point of monotony? I can’t be sure.

Since coming to Taiwan, my goals have somewhat pivoted. Regarding language, I came here intent on going from my foundation in Chinese to a strong speaking level. Now, I feel like I’ve more or less achieved that – confident enough to do most every daily task in Chinese, and have rich conversations (with somewhat simplified language). I don’t say I’m fluent at Chinese because there’s many things I can’t do (as with anything). But then, I can say I’m proficient – more proficient than many Americans get with a second language. I also had the less well-defined goal of enjoying life and exploring new places. I’ve been doing so to a large extent. Enjoying life out of college has been different than I expected. Though I have ample free time at first I didn’t have tons to do each day, and so I felt at a loss. Now I feel like my life is more full, even overly-busy at times, but still enjoyable. Living in a place I think necessitates sacrificing freedom for consistency… that is, consistently attending flute classes on Mondays, for example, means that I can’t go on long weekend trips out of town. But then, I’m discovering that I enjoy a fulfilling routine more than the barrage of decisions necessitated by travelling. The exploration part of life, I think, is not so much my goal as learning what really fulfills me in a week – playing music, reading, interacting with my students, learning things, journalling and reflecting. I’ve realized that more hobbies than I thought transfer to wherever I live, Taiwan or otherwise. If I ever move to a new place again, I’d like to say I’ll be even more prepared, and more commited to the routines that ground my life.

Recently, I’ve also been learning how to accept things out of my control. For instance, I think there’s a chance that super-smart artificial intelligence will take over the world in a couple decades. But what can I do about that? Right now, rather little. The same goes with traffic jams, train delays, scheduling conflicts, and whether my clothes will crease from being left in the laundry too long. Rationally speaking, once you commit to a decision, there’s no point worrying about counter-factuals until you come to the next decision-point. Easier said than done. Post-college life goes at a slower pace. There’s more value to being content in the present, leveling up as you can in day-to-day life rather than considering things existentially. That’s what my blog’s for after all.